5. Tech T-Shirt Slogans
Don’t Anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.
The proper way to declare war in software development is var war;
I void warranties
I read your email
Linux isn’t magic. It’s sudo-science.
Kids: Don’t try this at ~
Code poet
Byte Me
I see dead pixels
cd /pub; more beer
No, I will not fix your computer
There is no place like 127.0.0.1
There is no place like ::1
Bow before me for I am root
Dilbert is NOT fiction
It must be user error
/* No Comment */
Killer Coding Ninja Monkeys
I came. I saw. I copied. Thank you Stack Overflow.
Commodork
LOAD “*”,8,1
w00t!
I adore my C64
Talk nerdy to me
My Amiga is my Amigo
Jesus saves. Buddha does incremental backups.
I don’t flip tables when programming. I DROP them.
/usr/bin/drinking?
Machine language will rise again
Typos. That’s just how I role.
My other computer is your Windows box
HTTP 200 jokes are OK
I’m not lying. I’m writing fiction with my mouth.
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
Pi day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math
Nerds have big disks
FSCK
Go away or I will replace you with a very small shell script
If you hold a UNIX shell up to your ear, you can hear the C
SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
(back of shirt says “0 records returned”)
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain
The larger the download button, the less safe it is
Apparently, common sense isn’t all that common
I am not a geek! I am a Level 12 Paladin.
To quote Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 3, Line 87: “No.”
Gravity brings me down
/BB|[^B]{2}/
(Shakespeare’s “to be or not to be” as a Regular Expression)
chown -R us ./base
(All your base are belong to us …. in Linux form)
In the time you took to read this, a CPU exploit has been discovered
I’m a Full Stack Overflow developer
I’m not an athlete. I’m a mathlete.
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t
Your ringtone sucks
According to my co-worker’s diary, I have boundary issues
I refuse to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person
Merry C:\hristmas (the PC term for Christmas)
The first step in solving any problem is to dramatically underestimate its difficulty
Come to the Dark Side. We have better IDE themes.
The only dates I get are updates
buzzwords ≠ effort
I store all of my Dad jokes in a SQL dadabase
Any job can be a dream job if you fall asleep at work
Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people
I’m part of the problem
It’s faster to say “world wide web” than “www”
May the --force
be with you
I Recycle. I wore this shirt yesterday.
Go big or go ::1
Don’t create a file called -rf
I’m blogging this
98% CHIMP
sudo think
$HOME is where the .bashrc is
Big Data is anything that will crash Excel
Just sudo it
I haven’t taken a vacation in a while… I need a <br/>
iFarted
Mac the planet!
You read my t-shirt. That’s enough social interaction for one day.
People like you are the reason people like me are on medication
Sturegeon’s Law: Ninety percent of everything is crap
I went outside once. The graphics are not that good.
Roses are red
Errors are bad
My system doesn't boot
Because I've deleted /etc/fstab
Spellcheck can’t fix stupid
Just Google it. If that doesn’t work, ask ChatGPT.
Have you tried switching it off and on again?
I have not lost my mind. It’s backed up on disk somewhere.
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement, I would be unstoppable!
* * * * * /bin/true
5 star cron job. Would definitely run again!
It’s not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome. But shit happens.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine stream
We need to talk about your TPS reports
A girlfriend is no substitute for video games
I’m not babbling, it’s just encrypted
If I got smart with you, how would you know?
Never judge a book by its movie
Jenuis
There are no emoticons to express how I feel right now
I hacked a Gibson
You had me at EHLO
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Git reset --hard
When Ctrl+z won't do
Just shut up and reboot already
333 (Only half evil)
I’m not Goth, I’m Sith
I’m with /dev/null –>
n00bs are people too
Software developers are code-blooded animals
There is no place like ~
I don’t get distracted - I go on side quests
iLove Apple
I beat Tetris
Shit Creek survivor
People dislike JavaScript developers who over React
Textually Active
I’m not a pirate. I’m a 21st Century Che liberating files from the capitalist overlords!
Android is just Linux in drag
!clue
I love poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick
I may have no life, but at least I can prove it mathematically
If I got smart with you, how would you know?
Spanish programmers code in Sí++
Life is really just a series of if-then-else statements
I was uncool before uncool was cool
N00Bs are people too
Declare variables, not war
I failed the Turing Test
SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id=3
nanotechnology is huge
I’m only here because my server is down
I have the body of a God. Too bad its Buddha.
It works on my machine
Only two things are infinite: The Universe, and the 40-day trial of Winrar
If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear
Home is where you hang your @
3 of the 4 voices in my head think I’m crazy
I am the terror that surfs the night
I’m OK if Plan A fails. There are 25 more letters left.
I’m one null pointer exception away from losing it right now
Code like the best, browse like the rest
A romantic dinner would be incomplete without an email about a critical production bug
007 is really dumb permissions to have on a spy
Ubuntu is an ancient African word that means “I can’t configure Debian”
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Unexpected '}' on line 32.
I find your faith in technology amusing
My hard drive crashed and the NSA won’t give me the backup they have of it
Google told me you suck
Dr. Evil stole my mojo
:w
saves!
I don’t always test my code, but when I do, I do it in production
I have OCD and ADD. Everything has to be perfect, but not for very long.
stop(); //HammerTime
I legally can’t lift that. I’m in the Fitness Protection Program.
Mathematical puns are the first sine of madness
Programmer. n. An organism that turns caffeine into software.
Did you know? Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V and Ctrl-Z have saved more lives than Batman.
I’m sorry. It was your Sharona the whole time.
My computer has crashed, and now all my other computers have slowed down to see what’s happening
HTTP 413 Error: Request entity too large
Keep your friends close, and your charger closer
// life motto
if (sad() === true) {
sad().stop();
beAwesome();
}
Jurassic Park was a cautionary tale about the dangers of underpaying IT workers
I’m not antisocial. I’m just not user friendly.
Humans are to me as software updates are to an iPhone battery
Like Scarlet O’Hara, Linux depends on the kindness of strangers for its development
Newton’s Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed
So what if my girlfriend’s last name is Jpeg?
Children are our future…..unless we stop them now!
while [ true ]
do
eat
sleep $RANDOM
done
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them
Top 10 reasons to procrastinate: 1.
Technically, it isn’t hoarding if your stuff is cool
Retro video games can’t be won. They just get harder and harder until you die. Just like real life.
My software never has bugs - it just develops random features
My computer is so slow, it Hz
Stop trying to domesticate me
Sorry if I seem off today. I’ve got a terrible case of netlag.
Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action
A Haiku for getting up for work:
No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no
Tell Marie Kondo that the reason I have so many old SUN computers in my basement is because they all SPARC joy
YAML:
- Y: Yelling
- A: At
- M: My
- L: Laptop
Home is where the external monitor is
Linux distributions are just zodiac signs for nerds
“Sup losers” is a gender neutral way to address a group of people
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up three thousand times the disk space
May Jobs have mercy on your soul (next to Apple logo)
Never :q!
I don’t drink caffeine to wake up. I wake up to drink caffeine.
E=MC Hammer
Still debating whether I should use my coffee for good or evil today
To delete all French language files from your system: rm -fr /
Googling diseases just tells you which ones have the best SEO
The problem with git jokes is that everyone has their own version
I remember when Computer was a class
It’s not a data breach, it’s a surprise backup
I’ve decided I no longer believe in the existence of cybersecurity
SELECT SUM(wood_qty)
FROM wood_chuck
WHERE chuck = TRUE;
Before the Internet, pirates used pier-to-pier networking
Plan:
1. Make plan
2. ?????
3. Profit
Laptop stickers are how geeks tell other geeks what gang they’re in
git commit -m “felt cute, might revert later”
I’m an expert in the ancient Japanese art of sudo
Everything you’ve done in your life has led up to you reading this